OK, so in October I began reading the Harry Potter series for the first time in my life. And oh my gosh, can I just state I have missed out on so much fun.
(First of all, I want to say something to the homeschoolers/Christians reading this. You might feel frustrated to think that I, being a hardcore Christian, am reading books that contain witchcraft, sorcery and magic. Well, let me be frank. Yes, these books contain those topics. Yes, I wouldn't want my six-year-old reading them or watching the movies. They're dark. But honestly, I believe that if you're mature enough to handle some of the mature content, then I'm pretty sure you won't be sent over to the Dark Lord's side.)
Now, to get back onto point. I love J.K. Rowling's writing style. It's so witty, blissful and yet, so impacting. I just finished the sixth book, and I cried my eyes out. I normally don't cry when characters die in movies or books, not because I have no feels or sense of emotion, I just find that the tears don't come. Call me insensitive and harsh. It's just the way I work I suppose. But believe me when I say that my mind undergoes internal turmoil when great tragedy strikes in books or movies; my mind becomes this wormhole of emotions that swirls and tears and screams inside my head. I just get drastically depressed throughout the day and can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that the character is gone. I believe that this is what makes a writer a fantastic writer. They can get us enveloped in the stories they create and the webs that they weave, that when they throw and unexpected twist at us, we flip out and scream "oh my god they've done it. How dare they actually do what I did not want or expect them to do!"
It's the inner anxiety and strife that we, as readers, have to endure. We are at the authors disposal. Try as we might, beg as we want, we can't change the story. But, generally, if the author is a superior one, they will always have a rhyme and reason to why certain deaths must occur. Now, I know this full well in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I have to rant for a second. Bear with me.
So, I've always hated Severus Snape. Hated his guts. I hate the reasons for which he blames Harry, I hate his arrogance, etc. But in the back of my tiny little brain, I've always known he is in the story for a purpose that we don't expect. No matter how bad Rowling makes him look, he has good. I especially noticed it in this book. And, when he kills Dumbledore, I saw the situation as Dumbledore, for some reason, asking Snape to kill him. And it was some secret message the two had already discussed, or planned between them, that made Snape do what he did. I just have faith in Snape. And, surprisingly, him killing Dumbledore made me have more faith then I ever did before. That there is something behind all of Snape's disloyal, vile and sinister ways. I just don't know it yet!
I'm very excited to read the final installment of the Harry Potter series. Well, I'm excited and scared at the same time. I also don't want to read it, simply because I don't want my Harry Potter journey of adventures and excitement to end. The seventh book is the end. I've heard tales that the ending is satisfying and all nice and dandy. But darn, I will miss waking up in the morning, seeing the book on my bedside and thinking to myself, "I am excited to read what happens next in the story of the Boy who Lived."
-Cari
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Short Story: Melancholy by Cari Frantz
Mallory stirred her cup of black tea and sighed as she leaned back in the squeaky, rusty kitchen chair. Her hair, which hung limply at her shoulders, seemed to pull each thin strand towards the floor. The wrinkles and lines were not entirely invisible in her sallow, veiled face. Her eyes, which were as grey as a dead wildflower in winter, squinted up at the old clock on the wall, waiting for the hands to reach three o’clock. Clutching her leg, Mallory kneaded the muscles that had become stiff with age and stress over the years. Silently, a tear slipped down her hollow cheek and fell onto her jet black pencil skirt, where it disappeared instantly. She didn’t seem to take notice, or care to wipe away the mark it left in her caked facial makeup. Steadily, she gazed on at the clock on the wall. Her stare was dead; she didn’t seem to be thinking at all. Mallory removed her hand from massaging her sore muscles, and placed it gently on the table. The clock struck three. As silent as the grave, she stood and picked up a hairpin from the table. Twisting her hair into a simple bun, Mallory fastened the hairstyle in place, not seeming to notice the wispy strands that still hung about her face. She strode over to the mantle above the ashy fireplace and picked up a black lace veil, which she placed on her head. The veil looked as if it hadn’t been worn for many years, and indeed, it hadn’t. The lace was torn, chewed and ragged; the hat didn’t look as handsome as it did in its glory days. A rose, which had been fastened onto the headpiece many years ago, was now wilted and lifeless.
After pinning the hat in place, Mallory trudged with what little grace and dignity she had left. Towards the door she walked, straightening her crooked back as tall as it would go. Placing her hand on the doorknob, she twisted it and cracked open the front door. She turned, and observed the room from which she had just walked. Her life was contained in this small, simple living room. Her artifacts, treasures and lessons learned. The laughter, the sorrow, the pain. Always, someone had been there with her. Someone who would enjoy every moment, scream at the pain or thrust through the hardship. With her. Now, as Mallory watched the room with a vacant expression, she began to grasp the truth. She was alone. The sound of soft, tiny feet scurrying throughout the halls was silenced. The tones that were heard after a first music lesson; screechy voices, an out-of-tune piano and straining guitar notes, were now muted. The tears and cries that screamed from the room due to the death of an unborn child, seemed to hush itself from the room.
All these memories seemed to flash before Mallory’s eyes as she lamented on days past. Suddenly, as if realizing the moment had come, she took one final look upon the apartment, and stepped outside the door into the bitter air.
The funeral service she was to attend was the last she would ever need to be present at. Her son. Her daughter. Her husband. All killed in the train wreck that lasted ten seconds.
As Mallory prepared to step into the little black car that waited beside the walkway, several tears began falling like snowflakes. Her eyes began to flow like a stream of running water. She didn’t care. She didn’t need to care. Her life was over. Dead.
The silence was deafening.
She screamed as the tears began to consume her.
Never, had she felt so alone.
After pinning the hat in place, Mallory trudged with what little grace and dignity she had left. Towards the door she walked, straightening her crooked back as tall as it would go. Placing her hand on the doorknob, she twisted it and cracked open the front door. She turned, and observed the room from which she had just walked. Her life was contained in this small, simple living room. Her artifacts, treasures and lessons learned. The laughter, the sorrow, the pain. Always, someone had been there with her. Someone who would enjoy every moment, scream at the pain or thrust through the hardship. With her. Now, as Mallory watched the room with a vacant expression, she began to grasp the truth. She was alone. The sound of soft, tiny feet scurrying throughout the halls was silenced. The tones that were heard after a first music lesson; screechy voices, an out-of-tune piano and straining guitar notes, were now muted. The tears and cries that screamed from the room due to the death of an unborn child, seemed to hush itself from the room.
All these memories seemed to flash before Mallory’s eyes as she lamented on days past. Suddenly, as if realizing the moment had come, she took one final look upon the apartment, and stepped outside the door into the bitter air.
The funeral service she was to attend was the last she would ever need to be present at. Her son. Her daughter. Her husband. All killed in the train wreck that lasted ten seconds.
As Mallory prepared to step into the little black car that waited beside the walkway, several tears began falling like snowflakes. Her eyes began to flow like a stream of running water. She didn’t care. She didn’t need to care. Her life was over. Dead.
The silence was deafening.
She screamed as the tears began to consume her.
Never, had she felt so alone.
Friday, December 27, 2013
My Story.
I'm Cari. I'm 18 years old, and I am deeply in love with Jesus. This is my story.
I am from a family of musicians and I love to sing. In November 2012 I took my talent to the next level when my best friend convinced me to put a video of myself singing on the infamous YouTube. Based on the response I got, I began recording myself singing covers of popular songs and uploading them to YouTube for my family and friends to enjoy, and continue to do so. My videos have over 34,000 views and my cover of "Heart Attack" by Demi Lovato skyrocketed immediately and has hit over 30,000 views.
Right around the age of thirteen, I began exploring the world more than I ever had. I had always been sheltered. So I decided that I really didn't need God; that I wanted to find out what the world had to offer. I sinned in different ways; lying, cheating, being rude, selfish and unforgiving. I disconnected myself from God. I sought love from guys around me, I threw myself at them hoping for love, or some sort of satisfaction in life. It only lasted a little while. I was wounded, and my heart hurt and felt as if it were torn in two. I would come home crying every night, asking God why no man could ever love me. Right when I needed friends the most, was when I felt most abandoned. I felt everyone loved "the other girls." No one liked scrawny ole me.
Then, the self-worth problems began to kick in.
Being exceptionally tall for my age, I have always been a bit heavier than others. I was always self-conscious about my weight, but after my heart had gone through so much pain, I just began condemning myself, hating everything about myself. I tried to loose weight, but because I am a fanatic for food, never could bring myself to do it.
Right around the time when I was at my lowest point, covered in a muck of dirty sin, I was hit with the question "If I died right now, would I go to heaven?" That question had come out of the blue. Answering it in my head, I freaked because the realization came to me that I didn't know. I had always called myself a Christian, and I had asked God into my heart when I was young. Since I grew up with a hardcore Christ-loving family, I kind of thought I was protected by this wall of Jesus saving power or something. I began, slowly but surely, to look at the sin I was wading in and ask God to remove it. I had to get rid of it. I no longer wanted it.
I never felt Him talking to me, I felt like He was ignoring me. But I pressed on Him. I was desperate for a second chance.
In November of 2012, my youth group had a youth conference. It was titled "The Glorious Truth" and we talked about how no matter what, God is always there. I mostly tuned out, until the last night of the conference. I felt something was dwelling in the room, and I couldn't figure out what it was. Suddenly, it hit me. Jesus was in the room. As soon as I realized that, an explosion of Himself blew throughout the room. I began to cry, harder than I had ever cried. I finally felt what it was like to have Jesus hold me and tell me that He had removed my pain, my burdens. It is the best feeling in the world.
I had let go.
Since then, I've been growing in small ways, I think. The certainty I felt that God was there has drifted in and out of my life. I've had days when I know His arms were around me and that He'd never let me go. I've had other days when I felt so alone, like I didn't have a friend in the world. When the tears just don't stop. When the lies and words of crap are filling my head. When I just want to die. But it's in those moments, I have to tell myself: you're not alone. You are NEVER alone. He is always there.
But hey. I still feel fat. I still feel worthless. I still feel unwanted, unloved and unappreciated.
But those thoughts and feelings should not overcome me.
I am strong in Him who created me, and gives me strength.
So, if anything, let my story be an encouragement to you that you are not the only one.
Everything you think is a huge deal in your life, someone else is going through it right now. You are not alone.
God, for sure, has you in His hand. And you can believe that He's got a plan.
-Cari
Then, the self-worth problems began to kick in.
Being exceptionally tall for my age, I have always been a bit heavier than others. I was always self-conscious about my weight, but after my heart had gone through so much pain, I just began condemning myself, hating everything about myself. I tried to loose weight, but because I am a fanatic for food, never could bring myself to do it.
Right around the time when I was at my lowest point, covered in a muck of dirty sin, I was hit with the question "If I died right now, would I go to heaven?" That question had come out of the blue. Answering it in my head, I freaked because the realization came to me that I didn't know. I had always called myself a Christian, and I had asked God into my heart when I was young. Since I grew up with a hardcore Christ-loving family, I kind of thought I was protected by this wall of Jesus saving power or something. I began, slowly but surely, to look at the sin I was wading in and ask God to remove it. I had to get rid of it. I no longer wanted it.
I never felt Him talking to me, I felt like He was ignoring me. But I pressed on Him. I was desperate for a second chance.
In November of 2012, my youth group had a youth conference. It was titled "The Glorious Truth" and we talked about how no matter what, God is always there. I mostly tuned out, until the last night of the conference. I felt something was dwelling in the room, and I couldn't figure out what it was. Suddenly, it hit me. Jesus was in the room. As soon as I realized that, an explosion of Himself blew throughout the room. I began to cry, harder than I had ever cried. I finally felt what it was like to have Jesus hold me and tell me that He had removed my pain, my burdens. It is the best feeling in the world.
I had let go.
Since then, I've been growing in small ways, I think. The certainty I felt that God was there has drifted in and out of my life. I've had days when I know His arms were around me and that He'd never let me go. I've had other days when I felt so alone, like I didn't have a friend in the world. When the tears just don't stop. When the lies and words of crap are filling my head. When I just want to die. But it's in those moments, I have to tell myself: you're not alone. You are NEVER alone. He is always there.
But hey. I still feel fat. I still feel worthless. I still feel unwanted, unloved and unappreciated.
But those thoughts and feelings should not overcome me.
I am strong in Him who created me, and gives me strength.
So, if anything, let my story be an encouragement to you that you are not the only one.
Everything you think is a huge deal in your life, someone else is going through it right now. You are not alone.
God, for sure, has you in His hand. And you can believe that He's got a plan.
-Cari
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Oh boy. Here we go again.
Hello!
Long time no post!! Yes, I know. Life has been crazy, as it is for any 18 year old. But that's ok.
So, what have I been up to?
Recently, I got back into YouTube and creating videos. I kinda went through a phase where I really wasn't inspired to make anything. But suddenly, one day I just got this kick and now here I am. I've been creating for the past week, and it feels wonderful to get back in the game!
Um, lets see. The rest of life has been fair. I kinda call this period of my life the "limbo area." Nothing is super fantastic, but nothing is really horrible either. I'm in a transition phase.
By transition, I mean I'm trying to update. I'm saving money for a new computer system, and video editing/audio editing equipment. I'm really needing this update, and I believe God has it in store for me!
OK, little post. Just wanted to update! :)
-Cari
Long time no post!! Yes, I know. Life has been crazy, as it is for any 18 year old. But that's ok.
So, what have I been up to?
Recently, I got back into YouTube and creating videos. I kinda went through a phase where I really wasn't inspired to make anything. But suddenly, one day I just got this kick and now here I am. I've been creating for the past week, and it feels wonderful to get back in the game!
Um, lets see. The rest of life has been fair. I kinda call this period of my life the "limbo area." Nothing is super fantastic, but nothing is really horrible either. I'm in a transition phase.
By transition, I mean I'm trying to update. I'm saving money for a new computer system, and video editing/audio editing equipment. I'm really needing this update, and I believe God has it in store for me!
OK, little post. Just wanted to update! :)
-Cari
Monday, September 30, 2013
Friends...and other things.
I have amazing friends.
You know why? Because I just do. And I know it.
A friend is someone who never leaves you. Who you can trust, enjoy, talk to, love and someone who loves you back. Each one of my friends fit these qualities. And I love them for it.
Friends may come, and friends may go. But even in the roughest of times, the true ones are always by your side; no matter what the circumstances. Recent happenings in my life have turned upside down to the point where I find myself questioning who my friends are. But I know that the true friends are the ones who will fight to keep my friendship and stay with me to the end, no matter if I'm straying away or staying true to my friends.
Recently, I've been tested to the point where I wonder if I'm being a good friend at all. If I'm not keeping up my end of the friendship, or if I'm relying on a friend too much so that I let them do all the work.
Being friends with me is tough. I am a tough person to work with, so to speak. I am manipulative, can be harsh and straight forward, and occasionally complaining or rude. My true friends know this. But my true friends also know that theres more to me than that. They love me for me. And I'm grateful.
I'm finding more and more each day how hard it is to have a relationship with someone. Not a romantic relationship, just a normal plain-old relationship. It's tough. Guess what? Your friends will let you down. They'll abandon you, and sometimes they just won't fight for your friendship. I have friends even now who are doing this to me. But that's ok. I'm learning this more and more. That it's ok when your friends fall. Because they will. And wether you are able to help them up or not, it's your choice. Are you gonna live selflessly and move on? Or will you be so expectant on your friend, that when they fail, you leave?
This was just a random post on how I've been feeling lately. Feel free to comment your thoughts!
Love,
Cari
You know why? Because I just do. And I know it.
A friend is someone who never leaves you. Who you can trust, enjoy, talk to, love and someone who loves you back. Each one of my friends fit these qualities. And I love them for it.
Friends may come, and friends may go. But even in the roughest of times, the true ones are always by your side; no matter what the circumstances. Recent happenings in my life have turned upside down to the point where I find myself questioning who my friends are. But I know that the true friends are the ones who will fight to keep my friendship and stay with me to the end, no matter if I'm straying away or staying true to my friends.
Recently, I've been tested to the point where I wonder if I'm being a good friend at all. If I'm not keeping up my end of the friendship, or if I'm relying on a friend too much so that I let them do all the work.
Being friends with me is tough. I am a tough person to work with, so to speak. I am manipulative, can be harsh and straight forward, and occasionally complaining or rude. My true friends know this. But my true friends also know that theres more to me than that. They love me for me. And I'm grateful.
I'm finding more and more each day how hard it is to have a relationship with someone. Not a romantic relationship, just a normal plain-old relationship. It's tough. Guess what? Your friends will let you down. They'll abandon you, and sometimes they just won't fight for your friendship. I have friends even now who are doing this to me. But that's ok. I'm learning this more and more. That it's ok when your friends fall. Because they will. And wether you are able to help them up or not, it's your choice. Are you gonna live selflessly and move on? Or will you be so expectant on your friend, that when they fail, you leave?
This was just a random post on how I've been feeling lately. Feel free to comment your thoughts!
Love,
Cari
Monday, September 23, 2013
Catching up a bit..
Hello friends,
Well I am officially graduated! This summer was a blast. I turned 18 years old, got my drivers license and also got way closer to the Lord then I ever have been before. He is so great and good to me. I seriously can not keep talking about the amazing things God has been doing for me, and I know is going to do.
This year, God called me to leave the Agape Mime Team. Man, it was so hard. This would have been my 4th year on the team, and it's been such a blessing to be apart of an awesome ministry. But, God hasn't stopped there. He's called me into leadership with my youth group, Beastmode Youth, and I've come into the position of head of worship. I lead a team of amazing worshippers and musicians, and it is so fun. Doing what I love, while worshipping my God. At first, I was scared when I was asked to be a leader. I mean, I thought it meant talking in front of people (imagine that!) and other horridness things. But, no. It's so much simpler when you ask God to help. I feel more equipped to do His work in this youth group because He is the ultimate giver of strength, and that's all I need.
Lets see...oh! Want to know another awesome thing God has done for me? Provided me that job I was asking for. I'm babysitting for an awesome mom, and it's really going great.
I'm not currently enrolled in any school classes this semester, but I'm still continuing in my busy schedule! Piano lessons are great, I'm trying hard to improve even more and learn new things. I'm trying to write music to eventually produce an album, but we'll see what God wants to do with that.
OK, so that's a bit of an update on me.
xo,
Cari
Well I am officially graduated! This summer was a blast. I turned 18 years old, got my drivers license and also got way closer to the Lord then I ever have been before. He is so great and good to me. I seriously can not keep talking about the amazing things God has been doing for me, and I know is going to do.
This year, God called me to leave the Agape Mime Team. Man, it was so hard. This would have been my 4th year on the team, and it's been such a blessing to be apart of an awesome ministry. But, God hasn't stopped there. He's called me into leadership with my youth group, Beastmode Youth, and I've come into the position of head of worship. I lead a team of amazing worshippers and musicians, and it is so fun. Doing what I love, while worshipping my God. At first, I was scared when I was asked to be a leader. I mean, I thought it meant talking in front of people (imagine that!) and other horridness things. But, no. It's so much simpler when you ask God to help. I feel more equipped to do His work in this youth group because He is the ultimate giver of strength, and that's all I need.
Lets see...oh! Want to know another awesome thing God has done for me? Provided me that job I was asking for. I'm babysitting for an awesome mom, and it's really going great.
I'm not currently enrolled in any school classes this semester, but I'm still continuing in my busy schedule! Piano lessons are great, I'm trying hard to improve even more and learn new things. I'm trying to write music to eventually produce an album, but we'll see what God wants to do with that.
OK, so that's a bit of an update on me.
xo,
Cari
Starting point.
OK, here goes!
I'm beginning today. September 23rd, 2013. Starting a new lifestyle, healthy. Here are the stats as of today:
Weight: 181 lbs.
Goal weight: 140 lbs
Before:
I'm beginning today. September 23rd, 2013. Starting a new lifestyle, healthy. Here are the stats as of today:
Weight: 181 lbs.
Goal weight: 140 lbs
Before:
My goal is to be the best I can be! I know I can do this, because it's God who gives me strength.
I'll be posting my meals and stuff on the Fitness Progress page!
Love,
Cari
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